I don’t even know what to call this one.

The unicycle (technically, it is one, I suppose) was “perfected” several years ago by Chinese inventor Li Yongli, a mixture of the names Mowgli (Jungle Book) and Yogi (eater of picnic baskets), who called it the number one vehicle in the world. Well, sure, of course he would call his own invention the greatest in the world. That’s like calling your only child the most talented ever after that talent show last year where she sang that My Heart Will Go On song. But hey, she won the 17th place ribbon and a “participation award.” So, take that, naysayers.

I couldn’t help but think about that South Park episode where they had one of these, but much much more wrong. I’m sure you recall what the rider had to do in order to operate the thing. Some things you just can’t unsee. Sure, you can save on airline tickets, but at what cost? At . . . what . . . cost.

I couldn’t find much information on this, but I imagine that you lean in the direction you wish to turn. This must take quite a bit of coordination. Personally, I have very little coordination. All of my physical prowess since puberty has been focused on not falling in heels. I would probably instantly die in one of these things.

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just use a regular bicycle, which has been king in short distances for almost 200 years.

I suppose things just aren’t cool anymore unless they are complicated. And deadly. And Chinese.