Yeah, the posts in this series are more or less just whatever I hate most that day.
Imagine if you were blindfolded, hands tied behind you, then given a Rubik’s Cube to solve just with your toes, only to discover that there’s a bonus color added to it that changes periodically, then to find out that this was all constructed by your ex-boyfriend who is filming this as a budding film director, trying to create Saw VII, amateur style. Oh, and this is all in an active volcano.
All of the aforementioned elements combined into one situation is likely easier than putting together one furniture item from IKEA. Why did it take me so long to get to my point? I don’t know. Why do you have to wear bow ties so often? It kinda creeps me out.
I’ve always pictured the Swedish as warm, down-to-earth people. They like things like Haagen Dazs and the chef from the Muppets and seem generally peaceful. Which is why I found it so odd that they created such sick torture.
Do you remember Pinky and the Brain? One episode featured Brain conspiring to take over the White House by adding the word “repeat” to the back of shampoo bottles delivered to politicians, who would then rinse, lather, and repeat their way to oblivion. Meanwhile, Brain would secure power while everyone else was still continuously showering. I feel that the printed IKEA instructions is Sweden’s way of doing the same type of thing.
Probably some blond-haired Swedish guy was dry-washing his hands with a sly grin, discussing to his crack-team about his evil plans. He probably also stroked a Siamese cat.
When I last put together something IKEA, I had a 11 wooden pegs and a folded back-board piece left over. There shouldn’t be extra left over, right? Those pegs are the devil’s sticks. Plus, how many languages really are needed in those instructions? I feel like they’re just showing off how well-traveled they are.
All in all, it’s a smart business model to make the consumer do most of the work to save a few bucks. We fall for it every time. But there should be a limit, you know? I don’t hop behind the counter at Burger King to make my own Whopper to save 37 cents. Although, if I did, it might be the only way to “get it my way” a.k.a. the correct order.
Seriously, though, imagine the implications. When you go in to get your dog spayed, does the veterinarian hand you a pair of gloves?
There are some things that are worth splurging on. When I eat sausage, I just want to enjoy it, not to know how it was made.
Image courtesy of Tambako the Jaguar via Flickr, Creative Commons.
Reblogged this on mondozeitgeist.
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[ Giggles ] Intriguing, Rachel!
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Ha!
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2 things……my girlfriend feels the exact same as you when it comes to Ikea and while I can admit to occasionally saying I like their furniture, the only true reason I say this is so I am allowed to go visit their showroom and wonder around all day acting like each little room is my own private residence……..2nd….your post has given me the idea for my next post on my site(you’ll have to read it to know what it is though)
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Too funny. I feel that way about technology. Every new gadget equals a day of frustration.
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Vintage furniture comes pre-assembled…
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Lol this is so funny!
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Princeon University says that making fun of the way I interpret Swedish to English assembly instructions is a microaggression. Now aren’t you sorry?
And it’s pronounced VINDMEEL.
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理解できません。自分自身を繰り返してください。
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I couldn’t have said it better!
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So funny…and you mentioned Muppet’s Chef, a bonus. My daughter lives in NYC, where IKEA is almost mandatory. I love their stores, never had the pleasure of putting stuff together. Frustration makes for a great post. ☺
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The chef from the Muppets peaceful? You must have been watching a whole different Muppets………….
But yeah, Ikea is for losers.
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Ikea. Never been. Never will. Just dont go there
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Well, I mean, of COURSE their stuff takes forever. What else they got to do, for half the year? If you had approximately 37 months of darkness a year, you’d find ways to amuse yourself, too, I betcha…
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I wrote about this once..I like your take
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By coincidence I was discussing the Swedes with a colleague earlier today. Apparently they have one of the highest suicide rates in the world. Doctors put it down to a lack of daylight. Everyone else puts it down to assembling Ikea furniture. So, if you must, then buy the stuff but ensure you get plenty of sunshine. Just in case.
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It takes every kind of people… I love IKEA, love their designs but get all tongue-twisted with the names (is this humour perhaps ?) I have never, never found anything except exactly the correct number of bits and bobs. Assembly is an attitude of mind; you’ve got it or you haven’t.
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I have a whole box of miscellaneous metal and plastic thingys left over from IKEA assemblies. I should probably throw them out, but I can’t shake the feeling I might some day need them.
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They’re safer in captivity than in the wild, anyway.
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I can feel your pain. My entire flat is furnished with Ikea furniture, luckily, my soon-to-be-ex-husband agreed to assemble it for me before we say good bye. He deserved all the suffering he experienced in the process. And if it’s any comfort to you, my furniture sheds screws and pegs and whatnots on the regular…
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Yes. Yes, that does comfort me.
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