I feel for guys. I really do. Sometimes, it’s nearly impossible to know the right thing to say to women. So, I’ve written up a guide on ways to stay safe. Consider this your owners manual, gentleman.
Bad/Better/Best
Bad: You’ve been dieting for years. Why are you even bothering to weigh yourself any more?
Better: Do you want to make some of that low-fat lasagna that you like?
Best: One-piece swimsuits are super sexy.
Bad: Why are you so desperate to have kids?
Better: I know you’ll make a great mother, one day.
Best: I can’t decide between the names Sara or Susan for a girl’s name. I already have the boys names decided.
Bad: Sometimes, I think the only clothing you own are sweatpants.
Better: It’s a cozy night tonight, eh?
Best: I want you to be comfortable, so I replaced the water in our hot tub with liquid chocolate.
Bad: It looks just like a real diamond. Nobody will know unless you go blab it.
Better: We can save up for a few years. Then I’ll get you the ring that you deserve.
Best: I couldn’t decide between getting you a pink diamond or a chocolate diamond, so I got you both. I hope that’s okay.
Bad: Why can’t you be more like Joe’s wife?
Better: Joe’s wife seemed extra nice tonight, didn’t she?
Best: I don’t even like big breasts.
Image courtesy of Steven Depolo via Flickr, Creative Commons.
Can’t agree with the diamond dilemma.
Fake diamonds now can be made in factories more perfect than any diamond nature could EVER produce.
Also, ‘fake’ diamonds didn’t have to be dug out of the ground by a starving, poor African child. ;)
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Mine were dug up by celebrities who are currently out of work.
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Well, that’s fine then. :)
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Things that should always be REAL: Love, Friendships, Cheese, Ice Cream, Chocolate and Diamonds. If the real thing isn’t affordable or socially acceptable, there are tons of other real options (sapphires, pearls, etc.) that are gorgeous, meaningful (maybe more so) and cost effective.
Great post, Rachel. ;)
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But ‘fake’ diamonds ARE real!
If you really want the real thing at its most extreme when it comes to diamonds, you’d probably be most happy with a lump of coal! ;)
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If the lump of coal was given with sincerity and love (and I was really cold) YES, I’d be happy with it. You saying fake diamonds are real is like saying Sucralose is ‘real’ because it’s got sugar in it. It’s still artificial.
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I’d take the diamond and run.
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Amen, sister. LOL
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Okay, which would you prefer?
A ‘fake’ diamond made in a factory somewhere, which is more perfect and brilliant than any natural diamond could ever be?
Or a real diamond dug out of hill in Africa by a starving kid earning 3 cents a day?
Fake diamonds really aren’t fake. They’re totally real, they just weren’t forged in the belly of the Earth……is that the reason behind women loving real diamonds?
Just when I thought I’d gotten on the same peg as women in one small respect, suddenly fake diamonds (one of which I may have bought for someone special) are the work of the devil! haha ;)
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One, call it what it is: A diamond is a diamond, a naturally occurring gem that mother nature put together. Each one is unique - like a pearl. (although, do you have moral objections to those too?) Something created in a lab isn’t real - no matter how chemically similar it is. The consistency and PERFECTION is artificial - there’s no personality to the lab created stone. Two, whatever worked for you and your someone special is GREAT. Happy for you both, really. The diamond - a real one (and not all are mined with the blood of young African children - drama much? A conscientious consumer can find humanely mined diamonds - they’re more expensive, but if it helps you sleep nights, there’s an option.) represents the rarity and beauty of the person it’s being presented to, which is the Why of organic, real diamonds.
Third, never said fake diamonds were the work of the devil lol…I just said they were fake. I’d rather call something what it is than pretend it’s something else.
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Fair enough.
Oh the things that carbon-lattice structured minerals can make us feel and think, eh? ;)
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You must be single. :-)
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Of course.
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Awesome!!! So funny yet so true
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LOL I love this!! So true too! Great post! :)
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LOL.
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Brilliant! ;)
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My wife would ask why amI even looking at Joe’s wife’s breasts in the first place?
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Ami looks at them, too.
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that was “why was I even looking at them” ..sorry for my fat fingers typing skills.. :)
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That’s some good advice there! I love the idea of a hot chocolate hot tub, but I bet it’d clog up the pores!
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Ha! Great post. I am so bad at this stuff that I’ve learned the only true way to redeem myself is to say “I’m sorry”…and I say it often.
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Reblogged this on Thomas Lopinski - Author and commented:
Guys, insert foot here.
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Trouble is: you actually have to think before you speak
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I really think I passed this test. I picked C on all 5.
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lol
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What guys talk like this? I guess I surround myself with men of a higher standard? haha
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Reblogged this on mondozeitgeist.
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Nice reblog!
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This is hilarious. You clearly understand some of the problems men face. Thanks for “liking” my recent post on the scrapbook project.
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