Because all girls grow up wanting a sparkly, pasty man, right?
I seriously think I came away with less brain cells than when I started watching this movie. And as a blonde, I need to conserve those few I have left. I really wish someone had warned me about that.
So, if you haven’t seen the movie (or have no desire to do so), this movie is about an girl named Bella who is overall pretty shy and insecure. She comes to know this guy named Edward and is B Positive that he’s a vampire. Heh. Little play on words there. Moving along . . .
If you feel lost, don’t worry. The voiceover Bella explains everything in the entire movie–literally everything–making me wonder what’s left to watch. The voiceover Bella aaalmost has more emotion than the actress Bella.
She goes online and looks up all this research about Egyptian vampires, even though they’re in North America, and overall, her internet research is more interesting then the plot of the movie, itself.
Edward starts to earn her trust, mainly by saving her from four guys, only to almost kill her right after with his reckless driving.
He saves her again when she is cornered by a vampire who has a reflection in dozens of mirrors. Are we really sure these are vampires and not just people with odd drinking habits who need a tan?
In the end, Twilight is a timeless story of how true love is communicated only through stalking, creepy staring, and a guy breaking into a house just to watch a girl sleep.
But it’s okay. How much they’re in love is so romantic, it almost makes you forget that this hundred-year-old guy is pursuing a 16-year-old girl. Everything here seems to be in order.
*shuffles papers*
Image courtesy of Tony Bowden via Flickr, Creative Commons.
The age context is always the grossest aspect of ALL vampire stories. Yep. Vampires are across the board pedophiles. Gross.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The more I read about Twilight the more it sounds like Buffy the Vampire Slayer except without the moral philosophy or really any social relevance whatsoever…The should put a warning label on it…
LikeLike
Oh Rachel, Rachel, Rachel, you never saw the end of “Interview with a Vampire” did you? Everyone knows that vampires can’t drive, or is that just Tom Cruise?
LikeLike
I can’t wait to see your take on the rest of the Twilight movies. Promise me you’ll wear a tin-foil hat to protect your brain cells.
LikeLike
That may not be strong enough…
LikeLike
I enjoyed the books, the movie, not so much. Kristen Stewart had two emotions throughly the whole film: anguished and more anguished.
LikeLike
Twilight was really bad, all of them. Regret every moment wasted watching them. Well, I was in hospital and there was little else to do but I will not watch them again.
LikeLike
Reblogged this on mondozeitgeist.
LikeLike
Maybe it was better as a read….and if you’re a pre-teen ??
LikeLike
The books were much better than the movies. That isn’t saying a lot…
LikeLike
… – that was my reaction when I saw the films.
LikeLike
and of course i had to watch all three. on cable. they were right there offering such comic relief.
LikeLike
This “portrayal of love” that you mentioned in the last part is obviously domestic violence in dating relationships. So I agree, the movie was horrible but the book was even worse!
LikeLike
Yeah, what I said, as most that I do on here, is sheer satire.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Did you watch ‘Vampire sucks’? Thats really witty.
LikeLike
And your take on twilight. It was funny. :D Specially the age difference and the question about whether they are just people who lack tan. :P
LikeLike
Lol! This is fantastic. When I was married, the ass-hat and I made a weekend of watching all the Twilight movies just for giggles. I never understood the appeal either. Maybe my brain was too far developed to pick up on the subtle nuances? I don’t know, but I could also never figure out why women thought that pasty dude was so hot. (See? I don’t even know his name. I just call him pasty dude.)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Let’s look at it this way: considering the downward spiral of morality in the world, forty years from now fans will have these words embroidered on their pillows: “Twilight glorified pedophilia before it was cool.”
LikeLike