Man Reveals His Romantic Relationship with a Dolphin

For serious? This is going to be one of those posts, isn’t it?

It’s true. Malcolm, now 63, claimed that in the 70s, he had a consensual *ahem* physical relationship with a dolphin.

The 60s is more commonly associated with free love, yet nevertheless, Malcolm carried it over into the new decade. He was 18 years old when he first met Dolly at a dolphin show. At the time, he was taking pictures for a children’s book, which makes it even more taboo.

There’s more. You might as well turn the shower on now, because you’ll need one after finishing this post.

Malcolm told the New York Daily News, “At first, I discouraged her. I wasn’t interested. After some time, I thought, ‘If this was a woman, would I come up with these rationalizations and excuses?’ ”

Sound logic, right? This guy should be a political advisor.

He goes on to say, “There’s something quite transcendental about making love with a dolphin. She would thrust herself against me.” He claims she became more gentle as their nine-month affair continued on. I suppose with dolphins, you don’t need to buy her a few drinks, first.

“I started rubbing her along her back, working my way to her flukes–her tail. And as I was rubbing her and moving my hand toward her tail, Dolly was slowly rolling around her long axis.

*picks up jaw* Uh, yeah. That’s what dolphins often do when they enjoy a nice belly rub. Cats and dogs are known to do the same thing. It doesn’t mean “I want you now, human with different reproductive organs.”

How do we know this guy didn’t accidentally come into contact with fish juice, and Dolly was just really really hungry?

In the world of sensational news, this was taken seriously enough to be made into an actual documentary. The director said to Malcolm, “I believe you were in love with her.” That sounds similar to a lawyer saying to his client, “I believe that you think you’re innocent.”

Dolly was eventually shipped to another habitat and died nine months later. Who knows? It could have been from a broken heart, or it suffered from a loss of skin and muscle from so many belly rubs.

Image courtesy of Themeplus via Flickr, Creative Commons.

21 thoughts on “Man Reveals His Romantic Relationship with a Dolphin”

Hello, Dolly!
Gives “fish sticks” a whole new meaning.
You made me LOL.
One love is as beautiful and natural as another.
Gives a new perspective to “Finnegan’s Wake”
Love is no fluke.

I’ll quit spouting off now

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I heard a little of this, dismissed it as another whack-o. Not sure you would call this bestiality to another level. I would say it was. Gonna be a lot jokes out there. I can think of one just too lame.

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This story sounds “fishy” to me…oh wait. Dolphins are mammals..never mind.

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I feel like I did when I was a boy, hiding that “Playboy Magazine” under my mattress. This just felt wrong.

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He could have picked a lot worse - animals or things or even other humans.

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Dafuq O.o

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Reblogged this on mondozeitgeist and commented:
Ah, ok, so let’s get Real Here, that’s WAAAAAYYY Mo then 15% Sarcasm. I know, bcuz my computer almosted melted when I read this post. ;)

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Oof. That ain’t right.

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This is so weird… and somehow not surprising.

On a different note! I wanted to let you know that I nominated you for One Lovely Blog Hop because I think your blog is awesome. And because I wanted other people to see too! There are a few rules about it (I’m making a bit of work for you - sorry), which you can see in my latest post. It’s kinda a fun way to see other people’s blogs and network!

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Oh come on! Really? And this guy is proud he rubbed a dolphin in all the wrong places. And another sicko made a documentary of this? Is there a statute of limitations on animal abuse? This really turned my stomach. What would he do if they put him in a tank with an Orca?!

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